This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
please do not let ferguson die out like everything else big does. do not let this die out. do not let this continue on for three days and then everyone forget about it. do not let this happen.
queue this post up 3 days from now, a week from now, a month from now, a month from then. make sure even if you forget your blog will remember.
the fact i’m seeing reblogs slow down despite the fact there is still news breaking is concerning
pretty girls who think they’re ugly make me so mad like damn if you don’t want your looks I’ll take them thank you very much
[AGGRESSIVELY APOLOGIZES FOR BEING A BAD FRIEND AND AN UNPLEASANT PERSON TO BE AROUND]
Because a man has to be a sociopath to love a woman with cellulite.
Fuck this world.
If all residents of hell look like Scarlett Johansson, I renounce my atheism and take up Satanism
whoever wrote this needs to be punched. a lot.
i would sell my soul to look like that in a bikini
Scarlett looks like I want to look in a bikini.
I want to BE on a beach with Scarlett in that bikini.
y’all are like “ooh everyone is beautiful” “ooh everyone deserves to feel hot” and then three seconds later you’re making fun of people who cover their acne with makeup and people who haven’t mastered winged eyeliner yet like grow the hell up you don’t get to pick and choose times to be body positive
How I spent my time at Pompeii today
Twitter Campaign: These are only facts.
Feel free to join in on this campaign to boycott the Exodus movie trailer. I’m so infuriated that it is 2014 and we are still portraying on the silver screen a falsehood of what the ancient Egyptians were! Use the hashtag #BoycottExodusMovie to join. This is honestly some fuck boy mentality honestly!
i will be boycotting this. I hope this takes off